


The End

by GayerThanATreeFullOfMonkeys



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Bottom Castiel, Dark Dean Winchester, Drug Use, M/M, Rough Sex, Self Confidence Issues, Unhealthy Relationships, don't read this if you want something happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 07:39:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1461199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayerThanATreeFullOfMonkeys/pseuds/GayerThanATreeFullOfMonkeys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yes, it starts out amazing. The way you had always hoped that it would. In retrospect, you realize that this should have worried you. In your life, things that started amazing had a habit of ending bloody.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End

**Author's Note:**

> Little tip guys! Never try to write endverse fic because you will only end up upset :))
> 
> Also: I don't think of Dean like this at all, I just think that with everything that happens in endverse it would be really easy for him to turn into this and that this is how Cas would end up dealing with it.

It starts out amazing.

The way you had always wanted it to.

Dean grabbing your hand for a instant and squeezing it before jumping in to a fight and killing some demon.

And you are in a state of shock for the rest of the day because had that meant what you thought it had meant...?

You're basically human now but that doesn't mean you understand how they think yet and Dean waits until 1 am to knock on your door and you don't care, you let him in with a smile.

"Cas...I...you know-" He cuts himself off to kiss you, holding your face gently, delicately in his hands.

"I know, me too." You whisper back, leaning in so he knows that it's okay that he can't say it, okay that all he can do is show it.

That night is, without a doubt the greatest night of your life and you have no idea how you're supposed to express something like that to Dean but you try your best anyways.

He's so _gentle_. So attentive. Always watching you carefully and making sure that your wants come first. As much as you revel in the attention that he lavishes on you it almost makes you want to scream because if anyone ought to be worshiped its him.

Yes, it starts out amazing. The way you had always hoped that it would. In retrospect, you realize that that should have worried you. In your life, things that started amazing had a habit of ending bloody.

A month later Sam leaves. He'd been pulling away for a while now and you had seen it coming. Lucifer refused to leave him be. It was obvious in the shadows under his eyes and the way he twitched whenever anyone stepped close to him. Anyone else would have given in ages ago.

Dean doesn't take it well. He's justifiably angry and he drinks more than you had ever seen him do. And that night....things are different. He's not gentle. Not kind or sweet and he refuses to meet your eyes the next morning.

You don't mind. You love him. He loves you. And if he needs you to lay there and take in all his pain and anger you will do it.

Eventually he tells you he's sorry and you tell him that there is nothing to forgive and he looks confused for a moment but you kiss him and tell him that he never needs to apologize to you.

The confusion eventually leaves his eyes. And is replaced by steely determinism. He still thinks that he can save Sam, still thinks that maybe, he hasn't said yes yet.

You know that this is a pipe dream. You know that the first place Sam went to after he left was Lucifer and that the first words out of his mouth were "Yes. Please, just end this."

You may not be an angel anymore but there are some things that you will always know to be true.

Once the two of you see Sam again, dressed in a suit and with a smile that does not reach ageless eyes the determinism leaves Dean and you see anger fill him up.

And the next night he is rough again. And he doesn't apologize. Which is alright. You had told him that he never had to apologize to you. You just have to be there for him.

This is what you were created to do. You think about the term victim soul. A person chosen by God to accept the suffering of others. You had observed those people before, while watching from heaven. Pious, selfless people who would absorb all the pain of the world if they could. You know that, if need be, you could be Dean's.

He drinks more than he used to. You stick close to his side and eventually start drinking almost as much as him. He finds it entertaining, seeing how high a tolerance the almost human has for alcohol.

Eventually you realize that even when you're alone you still have a bottle or a glass in your hand. This doesn't bother you as much as it once would have.

Croatoan is released. The uninfected start to gather together, they create tribes and camps and militias. You and Dean have your own. A few of the members are hunters. Even more are just average people, caught up in a war that they do not understand.

A pretty girl with freckles like Dean's asks if you want a hit one day and holds up a pipe. You look around but Dean is busy trying to save the world somewhere so you accept. She kisses you in her tent later and you both are laughing at nothing.

A man with narrow eyes offers you a couple of white pills when the two of you are on watch together. You don't even think about it before swallowing them. Dean is probably asleep. Everything is a little hazy after that but you think that you ended up on your knees for him behind a cluster of trees and somehow Dean found out because he doesn't speak to you for a day (you think it's hilarious that he's mad at you for that when you know for a fact that he's been with a different girl every night you've been busy).

He used to call you "Sweetheart" but now he mutters slightly more derogatory terms under his breath and it's okay that he's doing this.

Because you understand him and you could never be upset at him and letting him shove you onto your back makes him feel better. You wouldn't trust anyone else with this job. Dean wouldn't trust anyone else with this job. You can take the pain. You will be his victim soul if it kills you.

After all, you are _special_ and he _loves_ you.

Even if he never says it.

Even if he only ever kisses you to prove a point anymore.

And then the other version of him comes. The one from the past and you know immediately that this is not your Dean because he says your name like a prayer instead of a curse.

This Dean looks at you sadly, guiltily and you know that he sees the pills and the smoke and the bruises on your neck and somehow he knows. "Cas, I'm sorry." He mutters under his breath and you look at him and you grin in a way that makes him wince because you haven't heard those words in _such_ a long time.

"You never need to apologize to me, Dean."

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought!
> 
> EDIT: I now have a fandom blog!! Come talk to me at crossroadsbela.tumblr.com!! I'd love to hear from you guys!


End file.
